Spiritual practices for releasing shame

We all feel shame once in a while. When it sticks around, it gets in the way of the life you’re here to live. Here are some practices to help you let it go and speak your truth.

A note first: if shame is tied to trauma, or comes with depression or anxiety that won’t lift, talk to a doctor or a therapist. These practices can sit alongside that, and they aren’t a replacement for it.

What is shame?

In plain terms, shame is fear of being seen: fear of saying who you are, speaking your truth, or being the center of attention.

When we feel ashamed, we want to become invisible. We keep our opinions to ourselves and hold back from what we want because of what other people might think. The good news is there’s a lot you can do about it.

Practices to release shame

Remember your divine nature

Many traditions teach that you are a soul living a human experience. So when shame comes up, remember that a god lives within you. You are more than what you think of yourself in that moment. You can connect with that deeper self, what some call your Higher Self, through meditation, ritual, mantra, time in nature, or sitting alone in silence.

…but also remember you’re human

Okay, yes, there’s something divine in you. You’re also human, so it’s normal and okay to make mistakes. Don’t let the fear of making one stop you from saying what you think.

If you feel shame about something you did or said, try saying to yourself: “I accept I am human, and I make mistakes. I know it won’t stop me from improving every day.”

Look back

Shame often starts in childhood. Maybe your parents were harsh with you, or your classmates laughed at you. Remembering those moments can help you understand them, forgive, and put the pain down.

Here’s an exercise. Remember exactly what you did today, but backward, from a few seconds ago until you get to opening your eyes this morning. Then do yesterday. Over time keep going back, through last week, last month, last year. The goal is to reach your childhood. If painful memories come up, work through them with a therapist.

As you go, notice the moments you felt shame. Don’t judge yourself or the people who shamed you. Just observe what you thought, felt and did. Everyone involved did what they could with what they knew at the time, and everyone involved was human.

Those old moments may be part of why shame shows up for you now. You’re a different person today, and you can break the old patterns. Once you really see that, forgiveness gets easier, and so does letting go.

Send love

Many of us find shame is hard to hold onto while we’re feeling love. Next time it shows up, become aware of your heartbeat. Don’t think about it. Feel it.

Then imagine a white light in the center of your chest, spreading through your whole body. Let it grow until it covers the planet with love, and let some of that love go to the people who made you feel ashamed.

Let it out creatively

Many of us find shame sits in the body until we find a way to express it. Paint, sing, play an instrument, dance, write. Gentle movement like yoga, tai chi and qigong is a good way to let hard feelings move, and so is a long hike.

Spend time in nature

Time in nature helps many of us let go of shame. Try to get outside at least once a week; if you can’t get to a mountain, a forest or a beach, your local park is fine. While you’re there, put your bare feet on the soil and stretch your arms to the sky. Imagine the heaviness draining from your feet into the ground, and fresh energy coming in through your hands. Breathe with it: in with the new, out with the old.

Make your space kind

Shame has a harder time in a place that feels peaceful. Keep your space clean and organized, add plants, crystals or quotes you love, and put on music that settles you, like singing bowls, mantras or nature sounds. Then watch how you talk, to others and to yourself.

Speak your truth

Sometimes the ego feeds on pride and talking too much. Shame works the other way: it feeds on silence and the fear of saying what you think. So when you’re afraid to say something, challenge yourself to say it anyway. Do that over and over, and shame starts to lose its hold.

Own what’s yours

Taking responsibility for what you’ve done is different from carrying shame about it. Own your part, make amends where you can, learn what there is to learn, and then put it down. A lot of the shame we carry was never ours to begin with. It was handed to us by people who should have known better, and owning your part also means giving that back.

Shame keeps you stuck in the past. The past is over, and the future hasn’t happened. Life is happening now.