The practice of perfection: acceptance and presence

Chasing perfection is a trap a lot of us fall into. Reaching for something we can never get to leaves us disconnected and unhappy with ourselves, and it gets in the way of growing and of accepting who we are.

What if you thought of perfection as a sunset instead of a fixed ideal? Each moment of a sunset is different and gone in a minute, and each one is perfect in its own way.

Redefining perfection

To get out of the trap, it helps to decide what perfection means to you. Instead of a fixed state you never reach, you can find it in the way life keeps changing. A sunset is perfect at every moment, and you can find perfection the same way, in each stage of your own growth. Seeing it like this leaves room to grow, to accept yourself, and to be present.

Accepting yourself

When you acknowledge your strengths, weaknesses and imperfections, you have something solid to build a kinder, more honest relationship with yourself on. Some places to start:

• Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend.
• Notice what you’re good at and what you’ve done, and give yourself credit for it.
• Forgive yourself. Mistakes and regrets are part of learning.
• Nobody is perfect. Your imperfections are part of what makes you who you are.

Living in the present

Being present is one of the most direct ways to accept yourself and to see the perfection of life as it happens. When you’re fully here, past regrets and worries about the future lose some of their grip.

• Meditate regularly.
• Choose activities that take your full attention, like yoga, gardening or painting.
• Notice what you’re grateful for.
• When you’re with someone, really listen, and put the distractions away.

Acceptance and growth

Accepting yourself doesn’t mean you stop growing. You can hold both: who you are now, and who you’re becoming.

• Set goals you can actually reach and that match what you value.
• Treat challenges and setbacks as part of learning.
• Be patient. Real change takes time and persistence.
• Find people who share your goals and values, or a mentor or coach.

Everyday practices

• Journal. Writing about your thoughts, feelings and experiences helps you process them and see yourself more clearly. A few minutes a day is enough.
• Use affirmations or a personal mantra. Pick a few words that feel true to you, like “I am worthy of love and respect,” and come back to them through the day, especially when stress or self-doubt shows up.
• Move mindfully. Yoga, tai chi or qigong help you connect with your body and be in it as it is.
• Spend time in nature. A walk in a park, a hike in the woods, or a few minutes sitting in your backyard is a chance to notice the present moment, perfect as it is.