How do I react to resistance in others? Do I resist their resistance? Do I surrender to it and let them struggle? Can I do anything more than that? If I can, should I interject? If so, when?
is this all a test for me? Perceived resistance in others..
Depends on the situation. I think that's why the idea of dharma is slippery and kind of mysterious cus it's always changing. Like if you're a cop and someone is resisting you, your dharma is probably to resist back because we are all characters in the cosmic play. Most of us have enough personal liberty to decide that we have autonomy, so most of the time it is best to share that autonomy with others and not resist them. Of course there are in-between roles too, like being a father, and I would guess that makes it more complicated 🤣
@Sam England the situation that sparked this line of questioning was much more inline with the fatherly and sonhood roles I hold. But the self in me questioned resistance altogether(to a point) such that it challenged laziness instincts in me. The full force of both is literal. I want to intervene and teach, I do not want others to intervene so that I can truly learn.
Well, there’s a lot of vagueness here, so I don’t think there’s one answer that fits every situation. But for me, the question usually comes down to: which choice leads to more suffering for me? I try to avoid that one.
Resistance is just another word for fighting, yeah? So do I fight their fight? That doesn’t sound like much fun. But hey, maybe some people enjoy that—it’s their path. If you enjoy the resistance, go for it. If you’re tired of it, maybe try something else.
You can also look at it without making it black and white—like, “Do I fix this person or not?” You can choose to surrender (as in not fight) to the fact that someone is making choices that are causing them suffering. And maybe, it’s not your job to fix that.
But—if their choices are spilling into your life, then it’s not really about them anymore. It becomes about you. You’re the one choosing to stay in that dynamic. That’s your responsibility. You’re either choosing to engage in the suffering, or you’re setting boundaries.
I don’t think we can really change anyone else. But trying can be a great distraction from our own stuff, if that’s what we’re looking for.
So maybe the better question is—why am I suffering? What’s mine in this?
If someone else sees you working through your own suffering, maybe that inspires them to do the same. Or maybe it doesn’t. But at least you’re not attaching to their struggle as a way to avoid your own.
As for whether you should interject—there’s no “right” answer. Only more lessons. If someone is seriously hurting themselves or others, sure, say something. Do something. But even then, it’s not your job to fix them. There’s a fine line between helping and enabling, or falling into codependency.
You can’t end someone else’s suffering. Suffering is something we create and choose—most of the time unconsciously. Every situation is different, and that’s where the real learning is.
Like, if someone’s abusing a child? Yeah, I’m probably calling the cops. If it’s my buddy drinking too much and wrecking their life after we’ve talked a dozen times? At that point, I’m probably just setting some boundaries and letting them walk their path.
In the end, maybe don’t start with them. Start with you. Why are you suffering in response to their resistance?
@Two Birds (Team) My thought prior to reading this was “is my suffering internal or external”. So the “what’s mine in this?” Hit. It’s past disregard of boundary setting. Definitely unconscious or forced but unset boundaries nonetheless.
It depends what they are resisting. Are they resisting themself or are they resisting you? What expectations do you have? Are you meeting them where they are or expecting them to meet you where you are? Can you relate to where they are? Are you projecting on them the judgement you have for yourself when you live in resistance?
I agree with Sam, start with self exploration. Why are you bothered by their resistance? Does it shine a light on something you’re struggling with or have struggled with in the past?
@Luna Del Sol (She / Her) indeed, we are all mirrors so people resisting us definitely helps us learn
@Luna Del Sol (She / Her) I love everything you asked. The answers to my questions lie in more questions.
@Sam England The way two birds ceremonies are described as mirrors definitely impacts my wording of these questions. Is the mirror ONLY in ceremony or is it everywhere?
@Colt Goen the mirror is everywhere !!
Ram Das has said that "you have no moral right to take away someone's suffering". We can have compassion, though ultimately, it's their dharma and we have no way of knowing the deep reasons why they choose it. If you're caught in someone else issues, get to land. Focus on your boundaries and what you can give yourself
Crazy life questions right there. Looking inward on your own journey, I feel, is the only way to answer. Every person, moment and situation in our lives requires a different awareness. My love and prayers to you Colt. 🙏. My spiritmother appeared to me in a moment of deep meditation and said this without saying anything...."it's all ok, it's always all ok". Gona get that tattoo.😉