I can't speak to anything conclusively; but only offer my perspectives. Don't sweat the fact that on the first night, you didn't get the fireworks. I've found that with Aya, the experience is cumulative. Typically, I didn't really get my ass kicked until night three. The first round of ceremony, I thought I was coasting, until the third evening. Blammo, things got challenging. 


Also, everyone's experience is different. It's like that Rolling Stones song. " You can't always get what you want; you get what you need". My homie didn't have any visuals, but did have an amazing time in the mountains, just getting the hell away from civilization for a few days. This other wife it turns up was coerced or peer pressured by her husband into attending, and absolutely nothing happened to her. Oftentimes the changes come long after the ceremony; after a lengthy period of self-reflection.


A last offer of my experience is that with any atavistic practice like this, repetition is the key. The vegetilistas, and curanderos slowly get to the point where they can achieve the experience through no medicine at all using the brains neuroplasticity quality. 


Life can be a straight up motherfucker, akin to walking through a field of stickers. These plant allies are a great tool to brush off negative energies and such, but I actually don't like stacking trip after trip after trip. I've personally had good experiences keeping the positive vibes up with things such as binaural beat meditation, Isolation float tanks, and certain breath practices. There's a great float lab in Austin, a good one in Lubbock, and I think a center in the DFW area.


Anyway, many blessings. Cheers.

A good resource can be coming out to the Sunday services when you're able, but we also have the virtual ones https://community.twobirdschurch.com/service/virtual-service/ it can be helpful reconnecting with different/new members and talking about the integrative process.

Also, might be worth skimming though the integration packet if you didnt get a chance to after your retreat 
https://community.twobirdschurch.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/5-20-21Two-Birds-Church-Integration.pdf

I know it sucks feeling like you're back sliding, but honestly that is where the real healing is at. It's best to look at the Ayahuasca ceremonies like a classroom vs a doctor's office. During the ceremony, YOU do all the work. It was you who opened up, surrendered, allowed, etc. All of it was you, you were your healer, no one else. But there is no magic pill, it is very common for people to feel exactly what you're feeling after ceremonies. It's cliché, but we like to say "they are life changing ceremonies! But only when you make life changes". So It's very expected to go back to old patterns or feelings if you don't make the momentum after a ceremony to create a space for it to continue to grow. But that's OK! it's all part of the process, healing is not a linear thing it's more of a spiral, and we often times circle back to things many times in order to truly learn and truly let go. The peace of mind that you gained, you gained it, you did it, and you can do it again and again anytime with or without ceremony, but it takes integrating the lessons from a ceremony. Being honest with your self and others. What are you feeling? Why are you feeling it? Could more communication help the situation? Do you need to create space in your day to breathe to meditate, maybe exercise? "It" did not save you, we did not save you, you saved you!

I remember I had a very powerful ceremony years back where I address a lot of anger issues I had. I had one of the most Intense nights of my life, fighting myself trying to let the anger go. Fought and fought and fought till I finally surrendered! And it felt so good to let go of the anger, I felt like I was finally healed forever! But that was just a lesson. It taught me to bring awareness to that feeling and to notice it and what it felt like to let it go. Not a week later, I found myself angry again, getting into a fight with my father. It wasn't that the Ayahuasca didn't heal me, :-) that's not its job. It taught me and At that moment I remembered the lessons. I slowed my breathing down and noticed the anger and allowed it to pass. That real healing. We are never just going to be perfect and blissful forever, but we can learn to navigate these things and to bring awareness to them so that they can naturally pass and be released. 

I haven't done an Ayahuasca ceremony yet but have done enough heroic psilocybin journeys. One tool I have found useful is keeping a journal. I feel my ego makes me forget the lessons taught from these type experiences. I find it helpful to read my previous writings to refresh the memory of the experience. My personality flipped from being a negative energy participator into being a positive energy creator. I use to listen to the thoughts in my mind that I am failing or a failure or doing it wrong... I use to simmer on thoughts like that for a long time. Fortunately my experiences with plant medicine somehow gave me the ability to release those thoughts and realize I just made a bad choice and that I have a choice not to repeat if I so choose. What is my point? Good question... After my experiences, I still have negative moments but I choose not to keep my focus on the negative. I feel truly blessed to exist and am grateful for the craziness of this existence. I see the beauty that was hidden before. My point is maybe attempting to focus on the positives and being grateful for whatever blessings you can see might empower you as it does for me. I used to focus on the negativity in my existence and I manifested so much negativity and was miserable. I use to meditate a lot more than now; I found quieting the mind to be a useful tool. Anyhow, my other point is focus on something positive. I finally figured out nothing outside of me creates my happiness and that I can create it whenever I want, so I do :D  For me, Serenity prayer is powerful if grasped and lived. Sometimes it takes courage to change. I finally believe I cannot change anyone outside of me, just myself. Though I'm convinced I can change the world by changing who I am. Acceptance has been my biggest conflict; at least it's not taking me as long nowadays to accept my choices as it used to... Blessings on your journey of blossoming into whatever it is you choose.