Connecting with your feminine energy within

Many spiritual traditions teach that each of us carries both masculine and feminine energy, whatever our gender. In Chinese philosophy the two are called yin (feminine) and yang (masculine). Most of the world we live in rewards the yang side: doing more and getting more. Plenty of us push our softer side down to keep up, and some of us push it down so long we forget it’s there.

In this way of seeing things, the masculine is your fire and drive. The feminine is the part of you that can slow down, feel what’s going on inside and enjoy being here.

What is feminine energy?

I like to think of it as the goddess within each of us. It’s the part of you that listens to your intuition and knows what you feel. It’s kind and it’s empathetic, and it lets you be yourself and follow your own dreams.

Teachers who work with these ideas describe masculine energy as drive, passion and assertiveness, like bright colors and loud music. Feminine energy, in their words, is fluid and soft, more like soothing colors and quiet music.

Masculine and feminine are a tradition’s names for two sets of qualities. They don’t describe how men and women are, or how they should be. A woman can be all drive, a man can be deeply receptive, and most people move between the two all day.

You don’t have to believe in energies to recognize this. Most of us know the difference between the part of us that pushes and plans and the part that rests and feels. If you’ve spent years living mostly in the first one, the second can feel unfamiliar, even a little unsafe. That’s worth noticing.

Five ways to connect with your feminine energy

1. Follow your intuition

In this framework, thinking things through and making analytical decisions belong to the masculine side, and they’re useful. Your body sends you signals too, though, and it’s easy to override them.

Find the balance between your head and your heart. Say no when you don’t feel like saying yes. Notice what you actually want, and don’t talk yourself out of it by calling it silly or impossible.

2. Accept and appreciate your body

Your body speaks to you in sensation, and most of us have learned to ignore it. Don’t hold yourself to standards other people set. You are beautiful in your own skin. Own your body the way you own your goals.

Be generous with yourself. Start with something simple like a self-massage, a skin routine or a weekly bubble bath, or treat yourself to something you want once in a while. Make your own small rituals that make you happy. Looking after your body like this is a way of keeping promises to yourself.

3. Don’t repress your shadow self

We all have scars and fears that we hide so we don’t have to feel uncomfortable. Carl Jung called this hidden side the shadow. Pushing it down doesn’t make it go away. It tends to come out sideways, in reactions you don’t understand.

Honor your dark as you honor your light. When a strong feeling comes up, ask what it’s pointing at in you before you blame it on someone else. The more of yourself you can look at, the kinder you get toward yourself, and the less you worry about what other people think.

4. Ask questions

Make a habit of asking yourself questions. When you don’t, you tend to believe whatever you’re told, and you end up seeing through other people’s eyes and following their routines.

Ask, listen, and be open to new answers, even when they aren’t the answers you wanted.

5. Balance the two

The aim is balance, with neither side running the show. If you notice the masculine side has taken over (always planning and proving), mindfulness helps you see it and choose to soften.

Journaling, mudras (hand positions used in yoga and meditation) and working with your sexual energy are other ways people connect with their feminine side. Pick a few habits that fit you and keep them up.

Signs it’s working

• Your own peace and joy start to matter more to you than other people’s approval.
• You feel more at home in your skin. You stop rejecting parts of yourself and start becoming your own best friend.
• You let other people be who they are. You don’t try to fix them, you give them their space, and you expect the same respect back.
• You stop pretending to be someone you’re not. You say what’s true for you, and you let others do the same.

Questions to sit with

• Where in my life am I always pushing, and what would it be like to rest there?
• What does my body keep telling me that I keep overriding?
• Which parts of myself do I hide, and who taught me to?